The baby pangs are back!! Haven’t told hubby as he’ll talk me into it and I don’t need that kind of encouragement! The best thing for me to do is to stay in the house, watching property programmes to divert my attention and have nothing to do with newborn babies…it should pass, all being well.
It has been a busy week this week. I started the new job and am still at the ‘old’ one. so days off are now spent working! Its a funny feeling going back to work at the home, a bit like going home. I can’t help but wonder whether people are going to think ‘who does she think she is’ or welcome me back as an old friend, so far so good - it seems to be the latter!
E is really walking well now, but walking with and old man shuffle like someone has put his legs in smartie tubes and he can’t bend them at the knee!! He seems to be more independent - pointing to things, wanting to read a book on his own, feeding himself - but I suppose I have to let him grow up a little bit. I can’t help but smile as he reads a book to himself, gabbling on in a language unknown to me, pointing to pictures on the page. I wonder what is going on in his mind and I wish I could work out what he is saying. All in good time I suppose. K took him for his MMR today. poor little munchkin has pin pricks in his arm, of course a good nurse, such as myself (!!!!) wouldn’t have left those marks. He went to bed with a dose of Calpol night to sooth his aching arms (and gums from the molars) with an aim for a good nights sleep.
I am going to cook up something quick easy and healthy, and rest myself from the past 24 hours of babycare, fish tank and furniture removals and work. watching 3 men move a 200 litre fish tank in a ‘to me, to you’ fashion was hilariously exhausting, only to be told when they were done that i thought it ‘needed to go left a bit’! this was greeted with groans, tuts and sighs while I was secretly laughing on the inside. I think ‘the man’ is the most comical invention ever, especially my man!!!
I was at work today, a reasonably quiet day - so more time to spend with people individually and do what a nurse should do. i was asked to watch a short film and read the poem that was the commentary for it. It made me think that I should think more often.
Look Closer
by Phyllis McCormack
What do you see nurse? What do you see?
Are you thinking when you’re looking at me,
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit with faraway eyes;
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try.”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe;
Who quite unresisting, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill;
Is that what you’re thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still;
As I move at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another;
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure, happy home;
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At forty, my young sons will soon all be gone,
But my man is beside me to see I don’t mourn;
At fifty, once more babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me;
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread;
For my young are all busy with young of their own
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known;
I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel,
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool;
The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
I’m loving and living life over again;
I think of the years all too few, gone too fast
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, open and see
Not a crabbit old woman, look closer - SEE ME.
While i was sat here reading my friends blog, i wonder if it is the sort of thing i would like to do. Do the rest of the world really want to hear about my life, which at times I can find quite….’samey’. So i thought if i have to go through it every day then so should every one else! When it came to the crunch of actually writing about it i realised that it isn’t that repetitive at all. I realised that although the content of my day can be repeated, the experience of it is always different.
For instance today was just a normal day, but there were a few variables. i had a job interview (which i am hoping went well), and when i thought that this was as exciting as today was going to get, my son took his first steps across the living room floor - priceless. So have reflected on all of this and have decided to share all with whoever will listen! it will help me appreciate the little things in life and everyday i will be reminded of how lucky i am to be me.
I will close for today and go and clean up the coffee that E so lovingly tipped all over the laminate, have a glass of vino and put the toys away, being reminded as I pick each one up, how precious today has been - it’s the little things that count, another day…another milestone…and another job (hopefully)!
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