The baby pangs are back!! Haven’t told hubby as he’ll talk me into it and I don’t need that kind of encouragement! The best thing for me to do is to stay in the house, watching property programmes to divert my attention and have nothing to do with newborn babies…it should pass, all being well.
It has been a busy week this week. I started the new job and am still at the ‘old’ one. so days off are now spent working! Its a funny feeling going back to work at the home, a bit like going home. I can’t help but wonder whether people are going to think ‘who does she think she is’ or welcome me back as an old friend, so far so good - it seems to be the latter!
E is really walking well now, but walking with and old man shuffle like someone has put his legs in smartie tubes and he can’t bend them at the knee!! He seems to be more independent - pointing to things, wanting to read a book on his own, feeding himself - but I suppose I have to let him grow up a little bit. I can’t help but smile as he reads a book to himself, gabbling on in a language unknown to me, pointing to pictures on the page. I wonder what is going on in his mind and I wish I could work out what he is saying. All in good time I suppose. K took him for his MMR today. poor little munchkin has pin pricks in his arm, of course a good nurse, such as myself (!!!!) wouldn’t have left those marks. He went to bed with a dose of Calpol night to sooth his aching arms (and gums from the molars) with an aim for a good nights sleep.
I am going to cook up something quick easy and healthy, and rest myself from the past 24 hours of babycare, fish tank and furniture removals and work. watching 3 men move a 200 litre fish tank in a ‘to me, to you’ fashion was hilariously exhausting, only to be told when they were done that i thought it ‘needed to go left a bit’! this was greeted with groans, tuts and sighs while I was secretly laughing on the inside. I think ‘the man’ is the most comical invention ever, especially my man!!!
The weather has been beautiful today, again and Ihave spent the majority of it in my grandmothers garden sipping cold drinks while stinky played with plastic pots and the hose pipe. as beautiful as the weather is it comes with a price…sunburn and hay fever! not too much I can do about the hayfever but you would think I would be sensible enough to apply sun cream, but apparently not!
i am going to cook some chicken on the barbecue now to finish the day with the taste of summer….yummy! sip more wine and eat eat eat!
I was at work today, a reasonably quiet day - so more time to spend with people individually and do what a nurse should do. i was asked to watch a short film and read the poem that was the commentary for it. It made me think that I should think more often.
Look Closer
by Phyllis McCormack
What do you see nurse? What do you see?
Are you thinking when you’re looking at me,
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit with faraway eyes;
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try.”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe;
Who quite unresisting, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill;
Is that what you’re thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still;
As I move at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another;
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure, happy home;
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At forty, my young sons will soon all be gone,
But my man is beside me to see I don’t mourn;
At fifty, once more babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me;
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread;
For my young are all busy with young of their own
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known;
I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel,
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool;
The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
I’m loving and living life over again;
I think of the years all too few, gone too fast
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, open and see
Not a crabbit old woman, look closer - SEE ME.
I have had a busy, yet productive day (7-5-08). My arm and neck are now improving after having a muscle injury/heart attack/ stroke (turned out it was just a muscle injury though!). I spent the morning chasing up references for the new job, but with no sucess. I went to Lunch with mum and stinky, had a mosey around the garden centre and spent the afternoon sat in a car with mum and stinky waiting for what seemed like an eternity waiting for my cousin to come out of a doctors appointment. The waiting in the car proved to be a laugh as we were people watching - hilarious, just makes you realised how varied we all are!! i am now going to consume wine and eat dinner followed by a film and early night - that is what i call a wonderful day!
I have hadone of the most enjoyable, yet painful weekends. I have been to a close friends wedding reception. It was absolutely beautiful. The bride looked stunning and the groom has looked better - but that’s another story. It was at a beautiful hotel in the countryside. The venue not too big, not too small. it was all just perfect. As a result of being taken in by the beauty of it all, i overindulged in alcohol, thus resulting in me not being able to make it much further than the toilet yesterday! today i still feel rough but am riding through it, soldiering on! I have no choice really…baby to look after and work this afternoon. My husband keeps reminding me of all the things I did and said in this drunken stupor - none of which I can remember, and I think it’s better kept that way. by last night I was so hungry after not eating all day and at that point had hangover munchies. i am regretting this again this morning! But a good night out was had by all, and I remembered why I don’t drink very often - to protect myself and others…from myself!
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